CHRISTMAS OFFER Subscribe to Hampshire Life today CLICK HERE

Chris van Schaick on the dominance of the scatter cushion

PUBLISHED: 10:16 17 August 2015 | UPDATED: 10:16 17 August 2015

Getty Images/iStockphoto

Getty Images/iStockphoto


This month, Chris van Schaick ponders the dominance of the scatter cushion and their slow take over of hotel rooms and homes across Hampshire

I’m engaged in a bitter and long running struggle with cushions. It’s a struggle in which I feel that I’m nearer to the end of the beginning than to the beginning of the end.

My most vehement objection is to the cushions on the beds in hotel rooms. They’re tiresome. They’re infuriating. They’re futile.

Any arrival in a hotel room now involves me finding the time and space to re-home four or five cushions from the bed. The process is then reversed in the morning. Surely not all hotel guests are as assiduous as me in returning their cushions to the bed. The sheer number of chamber person hours spent returning pointless cushions to perfectly good beds must be a major drain on UK productivity.

I always shudder when I hear the word scatter mentioned in connection with cushions. To me, it suggests impractical frivolity at its very worst. Where’s the unity of form and function when you need it?

Although - almost needless to say - Mrs. v. S. is a passionate advocate of cushions, I know that the cushion wars do not cleave along strictly gender lines. Neighbour Beverly, for instance, has told me that she too is irritated by hotel bed cushions. In the newly formed Meon Valley Anti-Cushion League, I will be chairman and Beverly the general secretary.

Cushions may - in extremis - have certain narrowly prescribed medical uses which are just about acceptable - when you’ve sprained your ankle, for instance, or been stung by a wasp on the underside of your arm.

But I can’t think of a single occasion when my comfort in an armchair or sofa has been improved by a separate cushion. And as for those cushions for people’s necks on long haul flights, well I rest my case.

The cushion count in our house seemed to rise steeply when the children were young. Well meaning elderly relatives would arrive with cushions which carried pictures of rabbits, Postman Pat or the moon and the stars. It’s only now the fledglings have flown the nest that I am going round the house, taking out cushions like a silent assassin.

I am prepared to make one further exception - the slightly different cushions on snooker tables. Now they’re useful - also wonderful in their hard and soft ‘feltiness’.

But for now, my condemnation of almost all cushions is uncompromising. I don’t mean it about being a silent assassin, by the way. The struggle, I have acknowledged, must ultimately be a non-violent one. I do not go around destroying cushions in Chesapeake Mill or any other Meon Valley emporium of interior design. I prefer to take the campaign forward by democratic means. In fact next week, I have an appointment booked with my MP to see if anything can be done in law to end the menace of this soft-filled accessory.



Chris van Schaick: why are businesses so desperate for feedback? - This month, Chris van Schaick discusses why it is that businesses are so desperate to ask...’’How was it for you?”

Are chefs in Hampshire getting too big for their boots asks Chris van Schaick - Are our county’s chefs getting too big for their boots, or are they entitled to the new found awe received from the public? Chris van Schaick ponders


Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Hampshire visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Hampshire staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Hampshire account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

More from People


Right at Home, with offices in Southampton, Winchester, Portsmouth, Farnham and the surrounding areas; offer home care for adults of all ages and the elderly

Read more
Monday, December 3, 2018

What does Christmas mean to you? Not everyone celebrates it of course but for those who do it is often simply a time for festive fun and creating new memories. We asked Craig David, Elizabeth Hurley, Colin Firth, Amanda Holden and more of Hampshire’s stars on what Christmas means to them

Read more
Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Graphic artist Chris Gibson is bringing Hampshire’s landmarks in to people’s homes with his nostalgic posters

Read more
Monday, October 29, 2018

Some of Hampshire’s best known personalities have revealed what they most love about the county. Here, we compile some quotes from our interviews over the years

Read more
Monday, October 8, 2018

Something Wicked this way comes… the hit musical follows the yellow brick road to Southampton this month. Leading ladies Amy Ross and Helen Woolf share tales from behind the emerald curtain

Read more
Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Turning 40 kick started a career change for Claire Fuller that took even her by suprise. She talks to Rebecca Fletcher about becoming a best-selling author, and what to expect from her latest novel

Read more
Monday, September 10, 2018

You can take the lady out of Hampshire but you can’t take Hampshire out the lady. Yes, it’s a corny expression but it is true in the case of actress, singer, dancer and TV presenter Amanda Holden, who has never forgotten her roots in the county

Read more
Monday, August 20, 2018

With her bold, graphic designs, New Forest artist Evelyn Bartlett captures the magnificent scenery on her doorstep

Read more
Monday, August 13, 2018

From food and drink to fashion and furnishings, Wickham is home to businesses that are pushing the boundaries. Viv Micklefield meets some of those proud to be different

Read more
Monday, August 13, 2018

A surf club… on the Isle of Wight? Surely not! 50 years on, Faith Eckersall meets those that say their little island is the surfing community’s best kept secret

Read more
Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Tinnitus affects around 10% of the UK population and often goes untreated. Leightons Opticians and Hearing Care told us everything you need to know about tinnitus

Read more
Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Sir Ben Ainslie’s sights are set on bringing home the 36th America’s Cup in 2021 and hoping to join the battle are the sailors currently in his youth squad. Viv Micklefield catches-up with some of the young guns already taking the world by storm

Read more
Tuesday, July 31, 2018

You can’t keep Mary Berry out of the kitchen and the same goes for Hampshire. Bernard Bale hears about her favourite places to visit

Read more
Monday, July 16, 2018

We are a nation of shopkeepers, but is the shop dying? We head to Winchester’s High Street

Read more
A+ South & South West

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to the following newsletters:

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Our Privacy Policy

Topics of Interest

Food and Drink Directory

Subscribe or buy a mag today

subscription ad

Local Business Directory

Property Search